Almost a year ago I decided to quit my job.
Looking back at everything, I can say that despite the stress, the long hours, the oh-well-at-least-insurance-and-transportation-are-covered pay, and the lack of genuine team spirit, it was a time that I’m very grateful for … now.
I learned so many practical skills and so much about myself.
It also helped me understand what I didn’t want for my life. For one thing, I didn’t want to be in a competitive environment.
I want to do something more social.
I also knew that I needed to take a break to figure out exactly what it is that I want for my life.
Who would have guessed that in the upcoming time – before focusing on things that I’ve always wanted to do, like studying Japanese at school, doing volunteer work, starting my own business and starting a blog, I first had to go through a week of porn?
And that’s what happened – I had an intense week of watching online porn.
I don’t remember details about how it all started but it was something like watching a sex scene in a movie that got me hooked up.
I was afraid of using my laptop to look for porn because of catching a virus, so I put in some keywords in my cell phone thinking any damage on the phone would be on a smaller scale and could be dealt with less embarrassment at Softbank.
After having visited websites that FOR ME showed scary jaw-dropping penis sizes, disgusting elements of painful and consent less looking positions, terrible acting, and cheap quality in many ways, I knew that “female friendly porn” were the keywords that I could live with.
I can’t recall the first porn session I had but from that moment on I was in porn universe.
I couldn’t have been more excited about learning things like “cunnilingus”, “tribbing / scissoring” and “strap-on with a glass dildo” if I had been to a Bobbi Brown shop, was introduced to the multifunctional Pot Rouge, and got some free creamy concealer samples on the way out.
Despite my “busy” schedule that week, I managed to meet two friends for coffee and because porn was all I had on my mind I couldn’t help but bring up that topic while enjoying Golden Assam Tea and an apple pie.
One friend was fairly shocked about the news but tried not to show it – you know, be open-minded about it - which was funny to watch. Bless her.
The other friend looked unimpressed, as if she had to deal with a late boomer. She said that she had an intense porn phase a couple of years ago but that she got over it quickly.
It just hit me right there and then! What had started as an innocent, stress releasing, fooling around with online porn had become an addiction.
I was addicted to porn!
I was able to confirm that after reading the online article “ 14 signs you’re addicted to porn”. Number 8. and 9. were totally me.
8. If you can’t go days without masturbating to porn, because masturbation isn’t really about masturbation or getting off. It’s about finding an excuse to watch porn.
9. You use porn as that little golden carrot to power you through projects and studying and writing papers. “I will do one more problem set, then I will masturbate.” That or you procrastinate your work so you can watch porn.
I was also starting to think that porn is how sex is supposed to be and THAT, my friends, although I’m sure you can add some porn elements here and there to spice up your love life, is far from reality. And I mean that as a good thing.
At the end of the week I was EX-HAUS-TED from watching porn for hours – online zapping to the next video clip, always hoping for a better video, a better orgasm, a new insight and then ending it with a quick menage a moi (a sophistcated French way to describe „masturbation“).
At the end of the week I was tired and bored of watching porn. My brain was numb, and my eyes tired.
Also, reading an article on what porn does to your brain, which is not a nice thing, I’m telling you, was quite helpful in order to endthis whole affair.
Check out the article here: